it was high time for me to take a huge break after all the activities all year round. I took a trip out of oceanblue, (without permission, of course, who does?), and did a documentry.

well, it is actually more of a personal interest rather than a chore. well, one thing  I am certain is that life up there is definitely a huge difference from ob. in a good and bad way.

anyway, i wont go into that.

as you see, i had been indulging myself into too much pizzas, so i decided thatr i had better start working out, although i never really get fat, due to the adventures i had with ted and ella.

now, since it’s MY break, i wont spend time writing…… off i go!

Pizza

Dear Diary,

We are back here in ocean blue only because Ella and I “persuaded” Chiplotas and Grogans to let us. We were thinking of dragging Pizza along but Chiplotas spotted the big sack wriggling at the last moment. And Pizza is so lanky she stuck out like a cat among mice.

We are back here and Ella is raving mad about some Elmo thingummy costume. I think Barney goes much better for me! I stole Dimwit’s Barney napkin and Belly’s Barney rubber squishie (or whatever you call the squishy toy).

I cut the barney off the napklin and made the rubber squishie into a special water gun thing that shoots tar and grime. 98.786734% effective for ambushes on unexpecting victims like…[Unmentioned for secretive purposes.]

Anna is a real pain. She has taken to trying to stuff my brain with French and English. She thinks I’m a robot. The French words I can actually remember:

l’enfant terrible: spoilt brat

Bete Noire: Black beast

Quel Dommage: What a pity (I think)

Mon Dieu: Goodbye (I think)

The even worse English:

Nugatory: pointless/trifling

quotidian: occuring everyday

quisquous: puzzling

virago: a fierce, bad-tempered woman

Anna also confiscated my laptop because she saw me downloading the newest : How to detonate 999 bombs in a year into my files.

I don’t really mind because she can’t work out how to crack the 19 security codes in front. And anyway, I plugged up my DS to the power outlet, plugged the little pieces of Ella’s MP3 player into it and taped the pieces to the wall, then I installed a radioactive bug-CCTV in Anna’s room. I took out my spare fuse from the duffel bag in my locker and the laptop thingy which allows you to use the mousepad. Then I plugged them all in. I needed a few lemon batteries [AAA, AA and A] to work the whole thing out and I dismantled Jesse’ Ipod because I will need some other fuse to cut the strong current flowing in from the power outlet. Then I use a carbon coated alloy of steel and silver with a plastic wrapper wire and connected it to the satellite on top of our dorm. Now, I have full, free access to Fishernet.

Fishernet is the underwater civilian’s internet. It works 78.64243% better than the internet and it has all the internet’s content too.

Technical moderation of devices is potentially harmful if not done carefully so I have used really elaborate details to plug up the masterpiece which has turned out to be fantastic-o.

Anna can’t access anything at all this time because it is retina-scanned and X/Y scanned. Heheheheheh… Dimwit and Belly told me this line: “Mwamwa and Dardy are the bwest in thwe whole werld! I yike them thwe mwost. Tweddy and Ella are weally silly.” I threw Dimwit into his cot and dumped Belly headfirst on the armchair.

Call me silly eh?

Ella and I had the bombing ritual of June’s locker. Then we scavenged and found 2 pages of her diary and here they are:

Day 1 at OB:

OB is complete rubbish. Not my standard at all. April got a triple A-star in her first lesson and I got a D. I mean, mum used to argue with the teachers over my marks and I usually got an A back in school on the so-much-cooler-earth up there.

It makes me so totally mad to see that May is getting A-stars for her Geography which she completely sucks at. Like I know, Beijing is the capital of Canada and she, the stupid brat says otherwise, in China.

Stupid sisters,

June, the fashionist.

Day 9 at OB:

Day 9 is no different and I just made 24 new enemies. The worst of them are Teddy and Ella Coral. The little idiots have always GOT to blow up my cabinet and they just won’t quit their #%*%$$^@ around and I think they should just shut their traps about me and my nice clothings.

Their older sister, Anna is no better. She’s just a pretty Barbie doll with the worst and most disgustingly crude dress sense ever. She’s so moronic! And my two stupid sisters are SUPER bimbotic. They won’t quit bothering me about homework. Who cares?

Stupid OB,

JUNE, the beauty

Bleurgh! June the beauty. We used napalm and methanol to blow up her room too. She was off at the ballroom for some fashion party. Seriously, you don’t want to be within 3 miles from 1L of napalm. It is HIGHLY explosive. It sent June’s Dora the Explorer bed rocketing at 546mph out of the eco-dome and into the sky above the sea.

Methanol can cause fatality. But, we mildened the whole effect with the “blotcher”, Gharinea. The thing mildens the whole methanol thing and causes dizziness instead so, MUHAHAHAHA to June.

You do know about coke right? Not coke as in coca cola, but cocaine. Cocaine comes from the coca tree-beware, not cocoa, that’s chocolate. Back to the topic. Anyway, cocaine is snorgged up the nose with a pipe and we found that in June’s room. She has little six gram packets which have been diluted with other substances to reduce the obvious proof that she is taking it. She uses borax, cannabis, ethanol, speed and even strawberry meth to disguise the whole thing, making it seem like a flu medecine.

Yeah, you must be wondering how I know all this. Truth is: I don’t know either. It comes naturally-maybe I was an ex-drug dude. So, I took the bug down from Anna’s room and placed it in June’s room. Proof shows that she also takes heroine with ferromed. The potassium chloride she keeps in her shoe box is in fact used to mask the taste of the drugs when she eats food.

I can’t wait to report to the principal, I’ve got proof with my stuff.

TEDDY

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Diary,

I managed to threaten… ahem… “persuade” Chiplotas and Grogans to authorise rotating shifts and right now I managed to bung my way back to Ocean Blue.

 

I’ve decided that being normal is the pits so I have decided to take Hazel’s advice and become… *big ominous music* ELMO… Of course, erratic Anna Banana keeps insisting that it ain’t elmo and its this silly name… something like emo? Who on earth would want to be called an EMO?!?!? Elmo sounds much more pleasing when you roll it round on your tongue. Anna said that “emos” wear black studded leather jackets with chains and that they live in black. I’m pretty sure elmos wear something to do with ELMO not some silly black leather jackets and chains with skulls. So, I decided to compromise and I came up with an awesome elmo outfit. A black leather jacket with a huge design of Sesame Street printed on the back and a chain with little elmos hanging on them.

 

Belly and Dimwit are so slow and stupid all they say all day is “MAMA!! DADA!! FAAAAAAAN!! ELLWA-WAND-TWEDDWE-ARWE-SWO-STWUPID-AWND-MWAMWA-IWS-THWE-BWEST!!!”. I’m pretty dang sure Anna taught them the last one. She’s working on this hot-housing thingamajig. It’s supposed to start from young but she somehow bunged Teddikins and me in it. Basically, no more playing and tons of studying. Right now she’s got me reciting French Verbs. I’ll give ya a peek:

 

1. Incredule (Incredulous)

2. Mer (Sea)

3. Vaste (Vast)

 

And so on and so forth… TALK about a bore… precious teddikins says I’m growing up but he can just go and sod off… Oops… maybe took too much of Anna’s estrogen pills…

 

That might explain something…

ELLA

Dear Diary,

It has been really long since I last made a post. I haven’t been on any mission yet, except being the mission’s controller for the nuclear power plant one. I am going to be posted over to this quaint little island where, supposedly, those Greasy oil plant people have set up a hideout.

A pilot will fly me there in a jet plane at approximately 0330 the day after tomorrow. Cody is coming! We will receive maps of the hideout and we need to infiltrate the building at 0545. Then we must get out by 0830, that is when the office people start coming in.

We need to deactivate as many oil stuff, those…those…those thingummies which produce the polluted oil and destroy then tamper with the wires in the main control panel-sabotage.

I think Russell and Janetta are mission’s controller this time. He and Janetta are going to be texting us about the main points of the mission. The mission was classified under low risk because no weapons are involved. Unfortunately, the risk has turned up one notch because we just realised that those oil people have AK-47s and 14-mm mini pistols.

Cody and I will be armed with static guns if necessary. Static guns are basically these small handhelds which have battery charges taped to the bullet hole. When you pull the trigger, a static jolt should project forward and zap the enemy. If you get a close-up, hold it to the person’s neck, it’ll act exactly like a taser that way.

Our pilot’s name is Harrin Jurgernfiels. He is Irish-German. He’s muscly and he was enrolled in OB at 9 years old. He has super strength and extreme navigation skills so they set him up for the job.

When I have the time this afternoon, maybe at 6 o’clock, I’ll visit Anna and Jesse. They have these newborn babies! So adorable!!! I’m thinking of getting them each a rubber chewer, those you cool in the fridge for the kiddo to chew on.

Cody is busy working on his Arithmancy. The new school term is really busy. Especially since I have triple Spanish every Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday. And then I have double Algebra every Monday and Thursday and as if that’s not bad enough by itself, I am in higher-Algebra. Higher-Algebra is the hardest.

My job as “goalkeep” in Quidditch maintains. Without Jesse, Ella, Teddy and Hazel still train with me. It so happens Pizza has French remedial on that day so she can’t make it. Fortunately. It’s enough with Ella and Teddy blowing up the stock-room. With Pizza-forget it.

I hope this mission will really rock. I wish May were on it too. The last one she had was a tiny one to a lighthouse on the Scottish shores where she had to find out the location of a Grease relation, not much fun eh?

See ya!

April

 

 

 

 

 

Ok, I’m not going Dear Diary this, Dear Diary that, I’ll get straight to the point.

It is Jesse here after his long disappearence. I have got so much to say about Belle and Dimitri. I absolutely LOVE Belle’s cute little eyes and her nice Anna-hair. Dimitri is just as good, with the stick-up dark hair and the adorable-kid look.

ME: Anna! Get the bucket.

ANNA: OK, coming, I’ll just put Dimitri down first.

ME: Quick…*gulp*

ANNA: Here you go.

ME: *Bleurgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* Whew!

ANNA: *Pats my back and kisses me*

Oh, I just love Anna. I adore her. She is the best wife anyone can have. *Mwuah, mwuah! MMMMMMwuah!*

I feel like smashing my head against the wall. My head is throbbing and that doctor Terri Bel isn’t here!!!

Anyway, back to swooning over Belle and Dimitri. Belle has this pair of beautiful-cute sandals which have zebras on them. They are orange and really sweet. Dimitri is more boyish than Belle of course but Belle isn’t a softie but she is somewhat girly. Belle has a mind of her own.

Dimitri has this denim jacket I ordered over ‘Mbay’. It was only 13 pounds so I got it. Dimitri has really nice spiky hair and I love to pat it so much. Anna got him this handsome pair of cargo pants which fit him very well. (Don’t worry, Belle’s got a pair of pink camouflage shorts which make her look sporty.)

OH NO, I feel sick,

JESSE KOSRAVSKI

P.S. Ow, *Pukes all over the bedsheets.*

Dear Diary,

Fine, we flew here, we didn’t take a plane and our hideout is a stinking rat hole which I love alright. Ella says that I belted out the Mission Impossible Theme song. It was probably because she was singing too loud and horribly to actually notice she was the one singing.

Nicholas keeps getting on my nerves by saying (blah…blah…blah) It’s a serious mission. I’ve been flapping my wings and screaming “To infinite and beyond for the past hour.

Our stinking rathole is filled with our sleeping bags and other stuff. I set the place up such that we have a cooking portable stove in one area where we heat up our C4 rations at night, the sleeping bags are arranged such that the girls are on one side and the boys on the other along with the corner for extra activities.

C4 rations are packets of food we heat up with C4. They are really small but there are all kinds of flavours. I had fried chicken wing and hamburger patties just now.

 Utopia is a real mess. The buildings are short and ugly and I don’t know why we’re here. Chiplotas says it has got to do with the Operation Grease guys who set up a main, big base here.

Operation Grease:

  Overhead Squad Leader, Mr. Nicholas Alexavier has signed the contract and agreed to take his squad to Utopia. The raid of the Oil Plant main base will be carried out in the following week, 13th January. The team members, Pizza, Hazel, Teddy and Ella, will carry out the mission together. Mr. Nicholas Alexavier will watch their backs in a tiny hidy-hole underground.

Grogans Derowen will be waiting outside the building in case of emergency. The mission controller, Mac Ferginard. Mac Ferginard will be stationed on the top of the building. Before the mission, layouts of the main base will be given out. These are to be memorised so that reference to the map will not be so frequent.

This mission is classified under medium risk as there is a 50% chance of being caught and a 50% chance of getting out safely.

There are heat sensors in all rooms of the main base so the squad captain will cool the members down with his powers. All members are not to resist these powers or use special enchantments on themselves. The heat sensors are adjusted such that only the squad captain’s power will be effective.

Squad Captain: Has most recent genetic twists for the “cooling” power. Had powers altered 897ioi

Each member will be given a code name.

Teddy:  F-22 Raptor

Ella: Albatros D.I

Hazel: F-117 Nighthawk

Pizza: F-15A Eagle

Team Captain: B-17 Flying Fortress

These names must be used in communication.

________________________________________________

 

Wow, I love this mission alright. I’m a F-22 Raptor. Don’t ask me where I got the paper from OK?

F-22 Raptor: *Transmittor crackles to life* F-117 Nighthawk, come in.

F-117 Nighthawk: *Crackles* Hey, Raptor.

Wow. I love my name.

Ok, Chiplotas (B-17 Flying Fortress) is calling,

F-22 Raptor

P.S. I think Chiplotas is Flying Fortress only because he’s so BIG.

P.S.S. And I swear Ella is acting all weird. She keeps accusing me of growing up and etc. Why doesn’t she think about herself? I mean, she goes all red and jerky when a boy walks past. And then she keeps watching me and recording the “signs”. She should really get down to recording her own. And she says I’m looking at Anna’s bust!!! I mean, how do you not notice Anna? She is still huge and she weighs 40kg still! And neglection caused me to fall all the way back to 25 kg. Anna? Hello? Have you been feeding me enough?

 

 

Dear Diary,

I don’t know WHAT is wrong with Ted. He keeps insisting that we flew to Utopia in a JETPLANE. For god’s sakes. We are Squad Overhead we don’t fly in no yubbly jet!!! We haven’t started on the whole planting the bombs thing yet, that sissy of a lump o’ lard, (i.e. Nicholas Alexavier) Chiplotas, says that its too wet for us to go out and plant bombs unless we fancy being able to have a fish farm in out wellies.

We met with Team Shadows and there is an AWFUL captain. Simply AWFUL!! His name is Grogans Derowen. He’s an albino and he looks AWFULLY freaky. Not like all the other cool albinos. His skin is practically chalk for all I know, its so delicate and pale that it looks like Anna’s expensive powder from Paris that we blew up a week ago. His eyes aren’t even properly the albino red, they’re just sorta pinky but still creepy. AND, he has BUCKTEETH. That is just awful karma. He and Chiplotas are on full agreement with each other and none of them are willing to send even ONE person out to plant the bombs.

Meanwhile, Teddy and I have been working on some AWESOME bombs. We drew up a few plans and since we brought tonnes of bombing materials, we are working on them now. I’m trying to connect a heating coil to the battery/timer. Once, the timer goes off, a HUGE spark of electricity will go through the heating coil which is wound around a metal canister. Once the metal canister gets heated, (in only 1.544 milliseconds), the concotion inside will be put to work. I put inside a bar of soap, plenty of highly-flammable oil, a nice little cocktail and a smaller canister of teargas. The cocktail is quite simple, enough vodka to run a bar for a week, (ALL compacted, of course), and a few nice little touches for that extra “boom”. The heated soap will react with the oil and the cocktail causing the compacted can to burst open sending steaming (as in really really STEAMING) compacted air shooting through at about 156777 km/h which will (of COURSE) break open the tear gas canister and spreading tear gas in the adjusted radius. A real beauty, isn’t it? 

And then I whipped up about 20 Exploding Cubes. All you need is a Oyrex bowl, potassium chloride, a hydrometer and bleach, Take the bleach and pour it into the Pyrex bowl and heat it. Add the potassium chloride to the bleach and boil it till the hydrometer reads 1.3. Wait for it to cool till it is room temperature before you retrieve all the crystals that have formed. Next, mix all those crystals (about 56 grams depending on how many) with distilled water. Boil it and cool it again. Ground the crystals firmly into powder and heat it till it dries. Melt 5 parts Vaseline with 5 parts wax. Disolve in petrol or gasoline, (whatever), Pour the liquid onto the crystals and knead it and allow the gasoline to evaporate. Mold it into a cube and dip it in wax to make it waterproof. We first got this Recipe from Jodi Picoult, (bless her) from her book , My Sister’s Keeper. And it turned out surprisingly well. But do NOT try this at home or you will probably face severe consequences from whoever is the “Anna” in your home. 

We are eating our meagre rations right now. Think pureed potatoes mash and sausages, chicken soup, two biscuits, a bagel and pizza wraps, (thanks to Pizza). Not nearly enough for ADHD kids plus those with high metabolism rates. In fact, that’s only about five hundred calories and we need four times that. Pizza is making more pizza wraps but I suspect Ted and I will probably go hungry.

Anyways, we explored the sewers a little more and we figured out an escape route. Even if we are surrounded, we can still use it. I blasted through the wall telekinetically and made a hole just big enough to crawl into. I blasted through until we reached this little tunnel. Just run through the tunnel and down the tiny waterfall of sewage with rivets of murky water. If you hang on to a pipe, you can make your way down safely. Keep walking till your reach a dead end and climb the ladder at the end up through the manhole cover. Brilliant, non? Right now, Hazel set up a little mini project that projects a hologram of a brick wall covering up the hole so if the enemy figures out the hideaway, they won’t know the escape route. 

Anna called again, unfortunately and just about deluged us with information about the alien thingies. She says that Dimwit and Belly were taken for ADHD testing and it turned out negative since she says both she and Jesse aren’t ADHD which is a little weird. How is that related to the aliens? Apparently, Belly and Dimwit said their first word with Belly first. Belly said mwa mwa and Dimwit said Dwa Dwa, which sounds like they have speach defects. Do aliens get that? Maybe they have a cleft lip. Who on earth speaks with extra “Ws”?! Hmm? And she says she is trying out a less extreme form of “hot-housing”. You know, flashing cards with the perdoric table on them and all sorts of stupid things. 

I hope the mothership hurries up and rescues them already,

ELLA 

P.S. Just to make things clear, we were sent by Ocean Blue not the YTA

Dear Diary,

We finally arrived in Utopia and Nicholas Alexavier (or however you spell his stoopid name as stoopid names are for stoopid people, everyone knows THAT) hasn’t stopped complaining about the joyful, morale-uplifting tunes that I have been singing to cheer up the team. Not to mention the fact that Hazel, in her words, has got severely pissed off with me especially when Teddy starting belting out the tune to Mission Impossible III with me.

We are staying in an AWESOME hide-out, its a little stinky and maybe has a little bit of a rat infestation but its home sweet home. It’s pretty hard to get into. We had to sneak into it in the middle of the night. Utopia, even under the cover of night, is virtually a slum. Sure, there are skyscrapers but they just churn out noxious fumes of carbon dioxide emissions. Everyone there seems very raggedy and malnourished. All their street lamps were either knocked down, blown out or gone. So, it made it pretty easy to sneak into our hideout. On West District, SDX3290K178654 Alley, there is a huge manhole cover that you can NOT miss. Alexavier put his lump o’ lard to use and lifted the manhole covers. You have to leap down and once you are in the air is a little musty but still breathable. Unfortunately, the stench of diesel oil used for lubricating the pumps didn’t cover the rising stench of rot from the sewage water. It sorta an oil-yellow with a bit of dark green and there’s a visible layer of oil. You have to race down (trust me, you MORE-THAN need the momentum) the corridor on one of the narrow concrete ledges before grabbing hold of a handy handhold (geddit?) which is actually just a flimsy pipe, transfer your center of gravity to your right and swing yourself around the corner before letting your feet briefly touch the ledge and leap to the other side. Teddy went first but he didn’t leap but managed to teleport to the other side before he fell into the mucky water. Pakii went flying out of his pocket and Teddikins was sobbing until April levitated him out of the water. On the other side, there is a series of pipes leading into a dank, damp tunnel. There’s a very tiny footpath where you have to walk indian-style (in single file and I’m talking about your feet too) since the pipes are very slippery. As May found out when she slipped and just about fell on a rat, (and that pretty much hurt anyone in a mile’s radius eardrums). After you walk about fifteen metres, zip abruptly to the right again. You have to begin hurtling through the air again and somehow clear about 0.75 metres of sewage before you land on the opposite ledge. And, ta-daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Our ultra-secret hideout.

The hideout is pretty simple. Only a small rectangular room with concrete walls and floor with a single doorway and a couple of air vents. It was pretty mucky at first and I’M saying THAT. Hazel errected a perimeter spell to prevent intruders or unfriendly spy-equipment and April and May whipped up a cleaning spell and had the room way too clean ,in my opinions anyways, in a matter of seconds. Teddikins and I set up all the sleeping rolled-up futons (a sorta mattress and not at all like a sleeping bag) and did an inventory on all our supplies. Pizza got a fire going in the most AWESOME way I’ve ever seen. You see, there’s a little gas pipe in a tiny niche. She unwound it and using a flame, created a cooking flamethrower. She’s using it to roast a pizza right now. That silly lump o’ lard was busy tacking up a whiteboard and a map of all our strategic bombing points. All the rest were busy unpacking and errecting various security, conjuring and cleaning spells. We are gonna go with the schedule and are only going to start the placing of timed bombs tomorrow, unfortunately.

Right now, that silly Alexavier or Nicholas or Chiplotas, I’m not too sure, has instated a curfew. Teddikins, Piz, Hazel and moi have just returned from an expedition around the sewers. We got on our camoflage booties, camoflage ponchos and a camoflage torch and went splish-sploshing around the whole place. There’s a lot of little tunnels and rooms and we even found a pumping room. Then, silly old Anna called up and Chiplotas who is half-in-love with Anna called us back so we could just listen to her drone on about taking our sleeping pills, washing behind our ears (Anna= Heretic) and a lot of silly froompy stuff. Everyone’s supposed to be going to sleep now. Hazel is supervising Teddikins and my washing. We set up this washbasin and a mirror and got a magically-full jug of warm water and got out our flannels. We washed just about everything, supervised by Hazel. Now, everyone’s in their camoflage PJs and are all snuggling to bunk down. I just unrolled my camoflage futon and Hazel force=-fed me my nightly sleeping pills so I won’t wake her up and stare at her as usual.

Hmmph,

ELLA the camoflaged

Dear Diary,

Teddy and Ella have left for Utopia and Ella won’t stop singing (out-of-tune no less) her version of “Follow the Yellow Brick Road”.

The darling babies are progressing just SO fast. I swear, Dimitri nearly said “Dada” this morning! Belle is progressing awfully fast and she looks SUCH a delight in her beautiful lacy onesies. You won’t BELIEVE the wadrobe I shopped off E-bay for them.

Belle is such a picture today with Dimitri sitting in the double-buggy. She’s got on her little pinafore with lace trim and a pretty bunny-checkered shirt underneath the pinafore. She inherited Ella’s ability to change her hair length and colour but only that not her bone structure. It’s currently down to her elbows and a beautiful gold just like her mwommy’s isn’t she, hmm, cutie-wootie-woo? I plaited it into two pigtails and tied the ends with big blue velvet bows. Her adorable little feet have the most beautiful Sketcher Sneakers. They have little “Ss” with daisies surround the “S” hanging off the front. Pink bands, too. She has a pretty lace-trimmed blankie covering her frame and she’s sleeping peacefully. Dimitri doesn’t have ADHD and is gorgeously adorable too. He’s in matching overalls to his twin sister’s and he’s got a army-checkered shirt underneath. His hair is dark and neatly parted down to the last follicle. His sneakers are the cutest camoflage ones I’ve EVA seen!! They’re the limited-edition, vintage camoflage Sketchers I bought of Shoe-Bay yesterday.

Moving on to the adults, Jesse has a TERRIBLE post-natal-fever. I’ve followed Nurse Nightingtale’s book on nursing very closely on how to care for him. He’s in a well-ventilated room with plenty of sunshine. I scrub his room in piping-hot water with lots of disinfectant everyday so it remains nice and clean. I covered the windows with heavy swags of curtain that DO allow SOME light to pass through. I pulled his bed out into the middle of his room so he has plenty of air circulation . His chief medicine is beef-tea which those good little duckies made for him. I’m feeding him on chicken gruel which seems to do wonderfully for him. I’ve got an IV drip into his veins which pump in a vegetable-rice porridge and plenty of nutrients. I constantly mop up his head which is always covered with beads of sweat. He’s much better already and can sit up properly and just about walk now.

Now, to the talk of the babies again. I just finished decorating and furnishing their room. I painted the room with sunny yellow non-toxic, hypoallergic, anti-mould and damp paint. I wallpapered on a adorable wallpaper of bunnies in strips at the bottom and the top. Their cribs are beautiful. Both are intricately carved and painted in white with a mobile dangling above. There is a changing-table, nightlight, baby gym from Pizza, a play-pen from Hazel and a little treasure chest filled with all the toys they’ve recieved. I put in a little alcove with a fitted shelf and its filled with little stuffed-toys.

Oh goody! Jesse just vomited over the rug,

ANNA

Dear Diary,

Teddy as usual is being horribly biased. Sure, Belly is girly and exactly like Anna but she IS still an alien like Dimwit. It’s not fair to her. Just because she doesn’t mind wearing all sorts of silly frilly onesies, Teddy seems to think she is worse-off then Dimwit. She didn’t do anything. She just inherited Anna’s disposition. Dimwit’s a lot like Jesse, and not necessarily ALWAYS in the good points. Fastidously clean, not bouncy at all (so much for ADHD. Anna and Jesse don’t have it so I guess he doesn’t either) and terribly goody-two-shoes. He’s still fun to use as a volleyball though. Once you inflate their onesies with helium they can really SOAR. We yoinked one of Anna’s flimsy old one-ply tights which do oh so wonderfully as volleyball nets.

Pizza sent over a load of alien-thingies for the two little aliens. She got them little pizza-patterened onesies and a awesome baby gym which has barbed wire (of course, with little pizzas stuck on the sharp bits), an obstacle course, a tyre swing, a sand-pit burrow warren and a HUGE water slide that winds down into a swimming pool.

Belly and Dimwit are progressing pretty fast. Their little alien wings are sprouting and they have begun flapping them lots (as if that does anything). Anna keeps cooing and fussing about them in between stuffing Jesse with beet-soup and goodness knows what. The vertically-challenged little aliens who are dimunitive in size AND in nature seem to take up most of her attention, leaving us to blow up things with remarkable ease. She didn’t even notice that we had done our evening entertainment and just sat on the smouldering wreckage, whistling and flipping through a BabyDior Catalogue. Speaking of ridiculously small alien clothes, she bought them enough clothes to stitch together and clothe the mothership. At least about 5000 baby socks the sizes of my pinkie. Ridiculous. As if it can fit onto aliens.

We just got back a term report. I degressed to a D-triple minus while Ted, who now slaves away like a goody-two-shoes, got an A+. He was murmuring all sorts of math-y stuff under his breath when he was scribbling on his math test and he even got that silly 6×6x6= 216 question. He’s just SO smart now. Makes me feel *schneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeef* a little *schniff schniff* drop-dead stoooopid.

Well, to get to the main point of my title anyways. Currently, we are off for Utopia. And Hazel is still trying to strangle me when the big o’ lump of lard of our captain isn’t looking since I’m still in my rendition of “Follow the Yellow Brick Road”. Teddy and I are relying on our wings while the rest of the team are on broomstick or are levitating. We are a quater-ways into our journey and we shouid arrive in Utopia by tomorow. Right now, everyone is in camoflage they even rolled in the mud with us after soccer practice (much to Hazel’s disgust).

Teddy: *sticks his nose up in the air* I can’t believe we are coated in this awful muck. I can’t wait to get back home and soak in a hot bath while reading Mermadian history.

Me: Formerly-Cool-Now-Hopelessly-Dorky Dude say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

Hmm… You know what, I think Teddy is growing up!! He’s so smart and everything plus he’s centered around Anna’s bust. I swear, next thing you know, he’s gonna be putting on aftershave or god-know’s what.

Mortified,

ELLA