We are back here in ocean blue only because Ella and I “persuaded” Chiplotas and Grogans to let us. We were thinking of dragging Pizza along but Chiplotas spotted the big sack wriggling at the last moment. And Pizza is so lanky she stuck out like a cat among mice.
We are back here and Ella is raving mad about some Elmo thingummy costume. I think Barney goes much better for me! I stole Dimwit’s Barney napkin and Belly’s Barney rubber squishie (or whatever you call the squishy toy).
I cut the barney off the napklin and made the rubber squishie into a special water gun thing that shoots tar and grime. 98.786734% effective for ambushes on unexpecting victims like…[Unmentioned for secretive purposes.]
Anna is a real pain. She has taken to trying to stuff my brain with French and English. She thinks I’m a robot. The French words I can actually remember:
l’enfant terrible: spoilt brat
Bete Noire: Black beast
Quel Dommage: What a pity (I think)
Mon Dieu: Goodbye (I think)
The even worse English:
quotidian: occuring everyday
virago: a fierce, bad-tempered woman
Anna also confiscated my laptop because she saw me downloading the newest : How to detonate 999 bombs in a year into my files.
I don’t really mind because she can’t work out how to crack the 19 security codes in front. And anyway, I plugged up my DS to the power outlet, plugged the little pieces of Ella’s MP3 player into it and taped the pieces to the wall, then I installed a radioactive bug-CCTV in Anna’s room. I took out my spare fuse from the duffel bag in my locker and the laptop thingy which allows you to use the mousepad. Then I plugged them all in. I needed a few lemon batteries [AAA, AA and A] to work the whole thing out and I dismantled Jesse’ Ipod because I will need some other fuse to cut the strong current flowing in from the power outlet. Then I use a carbon coated alloy of steel and silver with a plastic wrapper wire and connected it to the satellite on top of our dorm. Now, I have full, free access to Fishernet.
Fishernet is the underwater civilian’s internet. It works 78.64243% better than the internet and it has all the internet’s content too.
Technical moderation of devices is potentially harmful if not done carefully so I have used really elaborate details to plug up the masterpiece which has turned out to be fantastic-o.
Anna can’t access anything at all this time because it is retina-scanned and X/Y scanned. Heheheheheh… Dimwit and Belly told me this line: “Mwamwa and Dardy are the bwest in thwe whole werld! I yike them thwe mwost. Tweddy and Ella are weally silly.” I threw Dimwit into his cot and dumped Belly headfirst on the armchair.
Call me silly eh?
Ella and I had the bombing ritual of June’s locker. Then we scavenged and found 2 pages of her diary and here they are:
Day 1 at OB:
OB is complete rubbish. Not my standard at all. April got a triple A-star in her first lesson and I got a D. I mean, mum used to argue with the teachers over my marks and I usually got an A back in school on the so-much-cooler-earth up there.
It makes me so totally mad to see that May is getting A-stars for her Geography which she completely sucks at. Like I know, Beijing is the capital of Canada and she, the stupid brat says otherwise, in China.
June, the fashionist.
Day 9 at OB:
Day 9 is no different and I just made 24 new enemies. The worst of them are Teddy and Ella Coral. The little idiots have always GOT to blow up my cabinet and they just won’t quit their #%*%$$^@ around and I think they should just shut their traps about me and my nice clothings.
Their older sister, Anna is no better. She’s just a pretty Barbie doll with the worst and most disgustingly crude dress sense ever. She’s so moronic! And my two stupid sisters are SUPER bimbotic. They won’t quit bothering me about homework. Who cares?
JUNE, the beauty
Bleurgh! June the beauty. We used napalm and methanol to blow up her room too. She was off at the ballroom for some fashion party. Seriously, you don’t want to be within 3 miles from 1L of napalm. It is HIGHLY explosive. It sent June’s Dora the Explorer bed rocketing at 546mph out of the eco-dome and into the sky above the sea.
Methanol can cause fatality. But, we mildened the whole effect with the “blotcher”, Gharinea. The thing mildens the whole methanol thing and causes dizziness instead so, MUHAHAHAHA to June.
You do know about coke right? Not coke as in coca cola, but cocaine. Cocaine comes from the coca tree-beware, not cocoa, that’s chocolate. Back to the topic. Anyway, cocaine is snorgged up the nose with a pipe and we found that in June’s room. She has little six gram packets which have been diluted with other substances to reduce the obvious proof that she is taking it. She uses borax, cannabis, ethanol, speed and even strawberry meth to disguise the whole thing, making it seem like a flu medecine.
Yeah, you must be wondering how I know all this. Truth is: I don’t know either. It comes naturally-maybe I was an ex-drug dude. So, I took the bug down from Anna’s room and placed it in June’s room. Proof shows that she also takes heroine with ferromed. The potassium chloride she keeps in her shoe box is in fact used to mask the taste of the drugs when she eats food.
I can’t wait to report to the principal, I’ve got proof with my stuff.