Dear Diary,
We finally arrived in Utopia and Nicholas Alexavier (or however you spell his stoopid name as stoopid names are for stoopid people, everyone knows THAT) hasn’t stopped complaining about the joyful, morale-uplifting tunes that I have been singing to cheer up the team. Not to mention the fact that Hazel, in her words, has got severely pissed off with me especially when Teddy starting belting out the tune to Mission Impossible III with me.
We are staying in an AWESOME hide-out, its a little stinky and maybe has a little bit of a rat infestation but its home sweet home. It’s pretty hard to get into. We had to sneak into it in the middle of the night. Utopia, even under the cover of night, is virtually a slum. Sure, there are skyscrapers but they just churn out noxious fumes of carbon dioxide emissions. Everyone there seems very raggedy and malnourished. All their street lamps were either knocked down, blown out or gone. So, it made it pretty easy to sneak into our hideout. On West District, SDX3290K178654 Alley, there is a huge manhole cover that you can NOT miss. Alexavier put his lump o’ lard to use and lifted the manhole covers. You have to leap down and once you are in the air is a little musty but still breathable. Unfortunately, the stench of diesel oil used for lubricating the pumps didn’t cover the rising stench of rot from the sewage water. It sorta an oil-yellow with a bit of dark green and there’s a visible layer of oil. You have to race down (trust me, you MORE-THAN need the momentum) the corridor on one of the narrow concrete ledges before grabbing hold of a handy handhold (geddit?) which is actually just a flimsy pipe, transfer your center of gravity to your right and swing yourself around the corner before letting your feet briefly touch the ledge and leap to the other side. Teddy went first but he didn’t leap but managed to teleport to the other side before he fell into the mucky water. Pakii went flying out of his pocket and Teddikins was sobbing until April levitated him out of the water. On the other side, there is a series of pipes leading into a dank, damp tunnel. There’s a very tiny footpath where you have to walk indian-style (in single file and I’m talking about your feet too) since the pipes are very slippery. As May found out when she slipped and just about fell on a rat, (and that pretty much hurt anyone in a mile’s radius eardrums). After you walk about fifteen metres, zip abruptly to the right again. You have to begin hurtling through the air again and somehow clear about 0.75 metres of sewage before you land on the opposite ledge. And, ta-daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Our ultra-secret hideout.
The hideout is pretty simple. Only a small rectangular room with concrete walls and floor with a single doorway and a couple of air vents. It was pretty mucky at first and I’M saying THAT. Hazel errected a perimeter spell to prevent intruders or unfriendly spy-equipment and April and May whipped up a cleaning spell and had the room way too clean ,in my opinions anyways, in a matter of seconds. Teddikins and I set up all the sleeping rolled-up futons (a sorta mattress and not at all like a sleeping bag) and did an inventory on all our supplies. Pizza got a fire going in the most AWESOME way I’ve ever seen. You see, there’s a little gas pipe in a tiny niche. She unwound it and using a flame, created a cooking flamethrower. She’s using it to roast a pizza right now. That silly lump o’ lard was busy tacking up a whiteboard and a map of all our strategic bombing points. All the rest were busy unpacking and errecting various security, conjuring and cleaning spells. We are gonna go with the schedule and are only going to start the placing of timed bombs tomorrow, unfortunately.
Right now, that silly Alexavier or Nicholas or Chiplotas, I’m not too sure, has instated a curfew. Teddikins, Piz, Hazel and moi have just returned from an expedition around the sewers. We got on our camoflage booties, camoflage ponchos and a camoflage torch and went splish-sploshing around the whole place. There’s a lot of little tunnels and rooms and we even found a pumping room. Then, silly old Anna called up and Chiplotas who is half-in-love with Anna called us back so we could just listen to her drone on about taking our sleeping pills, washing behind our ears (Anna= Heretic) and a lot of silly froompy stuff. Everyone’s supposed to be going to sleep now. Hazel is supervising Teddikins and my washing. We set up this washbasin and a mirror and got a magically-full jug of warm water and got out our flannels. We washed just about everything, supervised by Hazel. Now, everyone’s in their camoflage PJs and are all snuggling to bunk down. I just unrolled my camoflage futon and Hazel force=-fed me my nightly sleeping pills so I won’t wake her up and stare at her as usual.
Hmmph,
ELLA the camoflaged
